Everyone has an image of a what a cancer patient should look like in their head. From the start I was completely determined not to be this stereotypical image of a person fatigued, depressed, and wasting away in bed (this is obviously completely untrue depiction of a cancer patient, but I am sure everyone still creates this image anyway). I find myself sometimes struggling to believe I actually have cancer and when it pops into my head sometimes it does give me a shock and the amount of times in hospital I have thought “why am I even here I’m not ill” is quite strange. It is hard to get your head around a disease that is so huge, and everyone knows about and most people in some way are affected by, yet you always think it’s never you who will get it. Cancer in itself is such a scary word with so many connotations, being told you have it doesn’t quite seem real. I went into a wild panic thinking “omg I could die” then once that subsided, I thought about the image of the sick person in bed and think, “surely that isn’t going to be me?”. It is a rather avoided topic so when I found out my diagnosis, I really had no idea what to expect. Even what I expected turned out to be completely wrong.
Acceptance was a key thing for me to be able to process my new difficult situation. It is something I learnt from a great book, ‘The Power of Now’. The basic gist is that, if you’re not happy with something change it and if you can’t change it, accept it. In my situation there is literally nothing I can do to change the circumstances so I have no choice but to accept it and tackle the situation as best I can.
Once I had accepted the fact my life had drastically changed, I changed my plans in accordance. So, what if this year I can’t go to Australia or go live in London or go meet my friends traveling around the world; I am certain it will happen one day, just with a bit of patience and quite a lot of strength. The worst thing to do is think about what you could be doing and looking at other people and what they’re doing, watching Instagram stories thinking, ‘why is that not me?’. It really gets you down comparing yourself to people, even in the most normal circumstances, so doing so when your ill and trapped in hospital is even worse. The focus has to be on yourself and what you’re doing. For me, I have 6 months of gruelling, intense chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant. However, the outlook looks good so I just felt, I can do all those things later, just I have one thing to overcome first. It’ll take time but it will happen.
I am determined to make this experience as positive as it can be, so something I started doing in the hospital was life mapping. It is something I had been taught to do by my parents from a young age. It is the process of jotting down all your aspirations and goals, no matter how big or small, on to paper (in the past I have made photo collages, lists or diagrams just to get all my thoughts out into a physical form). I could no longer do my original plans, so I set out to make new ones that would fit into my life now. For example, l planned to start a project, do lots of home cooking, learn about nutrition and spend time outside (and lots of holidays when I am better).
I have never in my life been so grateful for things. You really don’t realise what you have, until you either become dependent on it or lose it. I was so grateful for my friends and family who didn’t fail me to be absolutely amazing throughout the whole process. This was something that really made me strong from the start. Kind gifts, uplifting words and great company really got me through the first few weeks. I was shocked at how much support I had and shocked at the kindness of people I barely knew. It was so comforting to know how much support is there when you need it.I am so proud of how I have dealt with things so far both physically and mentally and overcome a lot of hurdles. I am totally aware that things are probably going to get tougher, as I am beginning to start the more intense cycles of chemotherapy, however I intend to keep my positive mind set and hopefully make it just that little less shit.
Acceptance was a key thing for me to be able to process my new difficult situation. It is something I learnt from a great book, ‘The Power of Now’. The basic gist is that, if you’re not happy with something change it and if you can’t change it, accept it. In my situation there is literally nothing I can do to change the circumstances so I have no choice but to accept it and tackle the situation as best I can.
Once I had accepted the fact my life had drastically changed, I changed my plans in accordance. So, what if this year I can’t go to Australia or go live in London or go meet my friends traveling around the world; I am certain it will happen one day, just with a bit of patience and quite a lot of strength. The worst thing to do is think about what you could be doing and looking at other people and what they’re doing, watching Instagram stories thinking, ‘why is that not me?’. It really gets you down comparing yourself to people, even in the most normal circumstances, so doing so when your ill and trapped in hospital is even worse. The focus has to be on yourself and what you’re doing. For me, I have 6 months of gruelling, intense chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant. However, the outlook looks good so I just felt, I can do all those things later, just I have one thing to overcome first. It’ll take time but it will happen.
I am determined to make this experience as positive as it can be, so something I started doing in the hospital was life mapping. It is something I had been taught to do by my parents from a young age. It is the process of jotting down all your aspirations and goals, no matter how big or small, on to paper (in the past I have made photo collages, lists or diagrams just to get all my thoughts out into a physical form). I could no longer do my original plans, so I set out to make new ones that would fit into my life now. For example, l planned to start a project, do lots of home cooking, learn about nutrition and spend time outside (and lots of holidays when I am better).
I have never in my life been so grateful for things. You really don’t realise what you have, until you either become dependent on it or lose it. I was so grateful for my friends and family who didn’t fail me to be absolutely amazing throughout the whole process. This was something that really made me strong from the start. Kind gifts, uplifting words and great company really got me through the first few weeks. I was shocked at how much support I had and shocked at the kindness of people I barely knew. It was so comforting to know how much support is there when you need it.I am so proud of how I have dealt with things so far both physically and mentally and overcome a lot of hurdles. I am totally aware that things are probably going to get tougher, as I am beginning to start the more intense cycles of chemotherapy, however I intend to keep my positive mind set and hopefully make it just that little less shit.