I normally have a very healthy relationship with food. I love vegetables and salads as my staple diet; however, I do love a good chocolate or carb binge every so often. One thing I was sure about when I was diagnosed with cancer, is that if I ate healthy, it would help my treatment. There is so much information out there in relation to food and cancer and it is hard to fully understand what the truth is and what is pretty much crap. Despite being wary of believing “miracle cancer cures” that can be found all over the internet, I was still convinced if I ate healthy it would make my treatment work better.
When I was in the hospital the first time, I was waiting a long time for my neutrophils to increase I rapidly googled what foods would help them rise quicker (despite the doctors telling me there was nothing I could do and I was simply a waiting game). Although I rammed down my throat all the kale and fish, I could get my hands on my counts took over 4 weeks to hit 0.5 (at this level you are allowed to go home!).
Later when I found out that the first round of chemo hadn’t worked, it made me realised the healthiest diet on the planet wouldn’t stop cancer. I do completely believe that it will help with side effects, recovery and make you feel better in yourself whilst going through treatment, however it certainly doesn’t change what the outcome, in terms of treatment and diagnosis, will be. That part is rather unknown as to why you would or wouldn’t respond to some treatment and definitely best left to the incredible doctors to decide the best treatment plans and unfortunately the horrible toxic drugs that kills cancer cells.
I really found this quite tough to take and frustrating as it wiped away any sort of control, I had in helping myself get better. Another thing with having this type of cancer (leukaemia) there is absolutely no (known) reason why you would get it, something that was told to me by doctors and nurses a lot when I was first admitted. Even though no one is quite sure why it happens, it is definitely not related to lifestyle choices or being healthy prior to the diagnosis. It is the hardest thing to accept and dwelling on it too much really can eat you alive. There really is nothing you can do personally to help your treatment work well or not and you have literally no control of what is happening within your own body.
Something I also struggled with is the lack of control over your bodily appearance and fitness. I am usually very active and love going to the gym and hot yoga classes, all of which stopped since starting treatment. Although I am generally very active, I find I haven’t been gifted with the greatest metabolism so if I don’t regularly exercise, I do put on a bit of weight. So, when I was in hospital for 2 months it was so hard to watch my weight slowly go up. I had little side effects from the first round of chemo and definitely did not lose my appetite at all, in fact it was increased half of the week from steroids. In addition to this being stationary most of the day for 2 months obviously doesn’t burn any calories so you are kind of stuck with many options for staying fit and healthy and how I would normally be. The furthest I would ever move is round the ward a few times or do a bit of yoga a couple of times a week. I could feel myself get increasingly weaker and weaker and I was not able to do half the things I usually could. On top of this I was missing my usual diet a lot. Being neutropenic eliminated my usual diet of fruit, nuts and yoghurt for breakfast and salads for lunch. So, I was eating toast, cereal, baked potatoes or sandwiches instead. Since being admitted to hospital I gained 6kg which at the time was horrific for me.
Turns out none of this mattered one bit. Despite my worries about how I looked, everyone kept telling me how it was good I was keeping my weight up cos at some point I would need it. I really didn’t understand this much, from coping so well with chemo the first time. However, a few weeks later, after being very ill, it all came clear. I lost a stone within a week from not eating anything at all, something I was convinced would never happen to me.
Following this episode, I saw a dietitian as was really struggling to eat much at all. Her advice was during cancer, anything goes! Eat anything that will go down you. Have absolutely everything full fat and double up on butter, cream and anything extremely calorific. This really shocked me as I was expected to be told to eat clean and healthy. Since then I have eaten what I want and when I want and feel great for it. It took over a month to get back to my normal appetite and diet as my stomach couldn’t cope with much more than a rice pudding or toast due to my stomach being so messed up and full of acid wearing it away. However, when I finally started to not dislike flavour again, I gradually introduced vegetables and meal planning back into my life and enjoyed my food.
I think learning from this, I would say when you are well and feel good make sure you make highly nutritious food (lots of fish and green veg are my fave), however don’t beat yourself for snacking and eat as much chocolate and treats as you want. I am soon going to be going into a stem cell transplant and will be expected to lose a stone or two again. I currently eating lots of biscuits, cheese and croissants and always opt for a desert!
There is a booklet on food and cancer created by a collaboration between Trekstock and the Food Medic. I found it really insightful and offers lots of information and advice regarding food when going through treatment which is available to download it from the Trekstock website.
